After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
