I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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