1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
