if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
