he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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