Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
