Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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