I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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