i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
