I want to make a zoo with you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
