i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
