so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
