yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
