Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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