...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
