I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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