I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i drank out of a bidet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
