I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
