Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
