I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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