i think my tv is drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
