you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
