As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
