your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
