did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
