so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This baby is an asshole
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
