Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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