when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
