Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
