i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
