Tell her she can't have a vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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