Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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