ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
