I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
