Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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