a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
