Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
