You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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