So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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