This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
