Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize