I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
