i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
