I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
