So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
