I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
