So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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