yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
