So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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