Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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