If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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