He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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