Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize