i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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