god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...so i touched it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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