god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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