wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
