So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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