There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
