You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
