Don't you send me to vm
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
