sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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