u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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