i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
